Logline:
When the airline he helped
What is in Raleigh?
Retirement
Continued Career
build changes everything, an airline captain must decide whether to hold on to yesterday or step into tomorrow.
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Red Eyes Rising
Was Milo wrong?
Yes, completely wrong.
Milo was just trying to be a good brother.
Title: Red Eyes Rising
Logline: A calm winter afternoon turns into a disaster when two young boys come face to face with a real bloodthirsty demon.
Genre: Action, supernatural
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marcwagner
Jul 25
Great Scene 1. I like that you did not set a specific time period - the sword could imply a time ago or a future where that is the modern weapon. It gives the viewer freedom to embellish the setting in their own minds while getting hooks by the action.
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The first thing I want to say is that I LOVE the wholesome feel of this short. A man getting off a airplane and going back home after being away from his family too long. He makes the tough choice to return home instead of continuing to work. The good news with shorts like these don't follow the standard screenplay format for this type of short you mostly focus on how the MC is feeling inside.
In your next draft I'd like to see what the MC is thinking inside? Maybe he's back after a very exhausting trip maybe he's from the military and got an injury and he's thinking of taking a break but deep down he feels like a loser for not providing enough for his family. He gets a text message that says you have two days to tell us if you're going to take a break/ quit or go back home with your family maybe he sees his wife's message telling him that she loves him and hopes he comes home soon and that is what gives him the courage to either resign or quit his toxic job.
Once again you did a very great job. Oh and thank you for the comments on my script